Industrial Strength Fishing Information

This new Age of Information is interesting when we compare it to the previous Age of Industrialization, and perhaps even entertaining with "we the fishermen" thrown in. During the industrialization of America, people who earned the title of expert did so by doing things, and they seemed to do a lot. Today, we can become "experts" simply by reading things, and now we seem to read a lot.

Information has become the most highly-sought urban commodity. Our desire for that one secret tip is insatiable; the one we know will cut the quickest path through our personal jungles; the one that does not require wielding something as archaic as a machete. Man is perceived smarter today than in any other time in history, and fishermen think so too. Even for the novice, those mysterious trophy-class fish are now swimming only a quick Google click away. Yes, there is plenty of information out there, but the real question is, "So just how smart an old boy are ya?"

The gathering of information is the easy part, but the culling of it is not, especially when researching such a hugely ego-driven topic as fishing. We have read so much that we know everything there is to know, except probably how to do what we think we are supposed to do. Sowe just keep on searching, right? What we'll eventually find is called the Dorito Syndrome; a feeling of emptiness triggered by addiction to a substance lacking nutritional value. Hey, I researched that.

In other words, we are so consumed with getting a cheap heads-up on fishing that our heads usually stay somewhere else, and we might be better off using some of that "search" energy to learn a new language or start a compost pile.

However, accurate information does exist, and most of it was learned through dogged effort akin to that which was popular during the early days of industrialization. So with no further adieu, let's snack on some Doritos of Modern Wade-Fishing; excerpts to crunch on from the Industrial Strength Wade-Fishing Handbook, seasoned with a dash of local salt, of course.

Rule 264: Proper Corky Selection for Big Trout. Using this lure for its intended purpose starts with a trained eye to carefully read the water. Consider clarity, bottom composition, and active forage. Do not tie on your most valuable Corky with any indication whatsoever of a redfish swimming within one hundred yards. It will find the lure and destroy it with less compassion than a garbage disposal.

Rule 265: Eating a Proper Breakfast. Being well-nourished increases our ability to push that extra mile while wade-fishing. However, those aluminum tacos are about as nutritious as a Dorito, especially when the wrapper says "Bud" on it. The amount of fish we catch will be in direct proportion to how many of these we consume. A better choice is a Red Bull with Copenhagen, a proven fat free carb stacker worth at least four hours in the mud.

Rule 266: Pliers. Proper tools not only help with cleaner lure extractions from fish to be released, but can also be essential to reclaim the only lure you have that is working. High quality stainless pliers are invaluable, but only if you haven't fumbled them in the mud beforehand. Attaching a lanyard to your pliers, similar to those used on kill switches, will keep them availableespecially useful during misapplication of Rule 264.

Rule 267: The Ninety Percent Rule. The old adage that ninety percent of the fish are in ten percent of the water is true, especially where large trout are concerned. However, increasingly true is that same ten percent of water, especially during wader season, will also hold ninety percent of the Winter Texans who fish that day.

Rule 268: Making Long Range Weather Predictions. The better the big trout fishing is in the south, the longer it will take for snow to melt in the north. See Rule 267.

Rule 269: Short Range Fishing Predictions: The ability to discover and repeatedly utilize a productive fishing pattern is what makes an angler consistent. If we enjoy the same pattern three days in a row, we might reasonably assume the pattern to be holding, barring any significant change in conditions. One significant change that gets little recognition has nothing to do with conditions, it is found in a phone call. "Come on man, I'm on 'em, it's a sure thing!" It's the Karma rule of cockiness, and your embarrassment will be consistent every time.

Rule 270: Preventing Backlashes. Backlashes are simple proof that whenever we feed something more than it can take, something is going to back up. A spool turning faster than the line is leaving can back you up twenty minutes. The solution is simply to control the spool's rotational speed to match the line's airspeed, and especially to remember that what separates an amoeba from a primate is an opposing thumb. Use it.

Rule 271: Proper Landing Techniques. Maintaining the most efficient rod angle is not only critical for landing a fish, but will also help to insure your continued opportunity. Held at too high an angle for too long, it will instantly attract other boats to you like tornadoes to an RV park. See Rule 267.

Rule 272: Proper Landing Techniques II. Properly identifying a fish by the way it fights can help us land more fish by knowing how much pressure to exert. "Expert" opinion declares that trout will always shake their heads and jump, and redfish will always stay low and make bulldozing runs. Try to re-evaluate that little tidbit before horsing in that red, and especially before you break off the biggest trout you've ever hooked which mysteriously stayed down and bulldozed. You might need to eat another Dorito.

Rule 273: Effective Boat Positioning. In preparing to wade-fish any given area, proper boat placement can have a profound effect on positive outcome, especially during winter. Park too close and you will spook fish. Park too far and you won't be able to make it back in time to relieve the urgent outcome of three aluminum tacos you had for breakfast.

Rule 274: Size Matters: Nature cruelly enforces this rule, not only to encourage natural selection in the wild kingdom, but also to promote survival of the fittest in domesticated fishermen. If we ourselves are "Plus Size", the biggest trout will always be in the deepest mud. The more our physique resembles a jockey, the more a snorkel will be required to reach them.

Rule 275: Navigation Lights. Displaying the proper lighting requirements on a boat will insure safer passage to your preferred destination. It is especially critical to maintain the stern light in good operating condition. The first time you are short of life vests, licenses, or suffer from the excessive intake of aluminum tacos at breakfast, the stern light will surely fail and will quickly be replaced by a flashing blue one. Apply dielectric grease liberally on all bulbs and sockets to avoid costly delays.

Rule 276: Lasting Moments. Cameras can be used to document a lifetime of credible memories, but only if the composition doesn't compromise the capture. Remember that undesirable reflections can also last a lifetime. Therefore, assuming the correct position with a fish is essential. Carefully avoid unsightly shadows, embarrassing backgrounds, and especially those awkward angles commonly caused by unnaturally elongated arms. If you push a fish into the camera lens to make it appear larger, not only will the capture be discredited, so will you when you claim to have seen Elvis or try to deny knowledge of how that bikini got in the background.

Yes, mountains of information are readily available and can sometimes even prove very valuable. However, if we try to become a quick expert by only fishing in an overflowing pond of opinion, just remember that a little spool of knowledge will never cast your line of skill very far.

So, if we really want to be a smart ol' boy, we'd do well to gather information with our thumb on the spool instead of our finger on a silly mouse. Let's remember that information is worthless without industry, so let's go fishing. Hey man... It's a sure thing!